Little Plastic Castle
little plastic castle
in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day
i picked up a magazine
which is every magazine
read a story, and then forgot it right away
they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
and the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
and it’s hard to say if they’re happy
but they don’t seem much to mind
from the shape of your shaved head
i recognized your silhouette
as you walked out of the sun and sat down
and the sight of your sleepy smile
eclipsed all the other people
as they paused to sneer at the two girls
from out of town
i said, look at you this morning
you are, by far, the cutest
but be careful getting coffee
i think these people wanna shoot us
or maybe there’s some kinda local competition here
to see who can be the rudest
people talk
about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing
the day that someone takes a picture
is my new statement for all of womankind
i wish they could see us now
in leather bras and rubber shorts
like some ridiculous new team uniform
for some ridiculous new sport
quick someone call the girl police
and file a report
in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day
fuel
they were digging a new foundation in manhattan
and they discovered a slave cemetery there
may their souls rest easy now that lynching is frowned upon
and we’ve moved on to the electric chair
and i wonder who’s gonna be president
tweedle dumb or tweedle dumber?
and who’s gonna have the big
blockbuster box office
this summer
how ‘bout we put up a wall
between the houses and the highway
and then you can go your way
and i can go my way
except all the radios agree with all the t.v.’s
and the magazines agree with all the radios
and i keep hearing that same damn song
everywhere i go
maybe i should put a bucket over my head
and a marshmallow in each ear
and stumble around for another dumb numb week
for another hum drum hit song to appear
people used to make records
as in a record of an event
the event of people
playing music in a room
now everything is cross-marketing
it’s about sunglasses and shoes
or guns or drugs
you choose
we got it rehashed
we got it half-assed
we’re digging up all the graves
and we’re spitting on the past
and we can choose between the colors
of the lipstick on the whores
‘cuz we know the difference
between the font of twenty percent more
and the font of teriyaki
you tell me
how does it make you feel?
you tell me what’s real
they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
even when they’re as dry as my lips for years
even when they’re stranded on a small desert island
with no place in two thousand miles to buy beer
and i wonder is he different
is he different
has he changed
what he’s about
or is he just a liar
with nothing to lie about
am i headed for the same brick wall
is there anything i can do
about anything at all
except go back to that corner in manhattan
and dig deeper
dig deeper this time
down beneath the impossible pain of our history
beneath unknown bones
beneath the bedrock of the mystery
beneath the sewage system and the path train
beneath the cobblestones and the water main
beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals
beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels
beneath everything i can think of to think about
beneath it all
beneath all get out
beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel
there’s a fire that’s just waiting for fuel
gravel
i heard the sound of your bike
as your wheels hit the gravel
then your engine in the driveway, cutting off
i pushed through the screen door
and i stood out on the porch
thinking fight fight fight at all costs
but instead i let you in
just like i’ve always done
i sat you down and offered you a beer
and across the kitchen table
i fired several rounds
but you were still sitting there when the smoke cleared
you came crawling back to say
that you want to make good in the end
oh, let me count the ways that i abhor you
you were never a good lay
and you were never a good friend
but oh, what can i say, i adore you
all i need is my leather
one t-shirt and two socks
i’ll keep my hands warm in your pockets
and you can use the engine block
we’ll ride out to california
with my arms around your chest
and i’ll pretend that this is real
‘cuz this is what i like best
you’ve been juggling two women
like a stupid circus clown
telling us both we are the one
and maybe you can keep me
from ever being happy
but you’re not going to stop me
from having fun
so let’s go, before i change my mind
i’ll leave the luggage of all your lies behind
‘cuz i am bigger than everything that came before
you were never very kind
and you let me way down every time
but oh, what can i say, i adore you
i heard the sound of your bike
as your wheels hit the gravel
then your engine in the driveway, cutting off
as is
you can’t hide
behind social graces
so don’t try
to be all touchy feely
‘cuz you lie
in my face of all places
but i got no
problem with that really
what bugs me
is that you believe what you’re saying
what bothers me
is that you don’t know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you’re telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real
i got no illusions about you
guess what
i never did
when i said
when i said i’ll take it
i meant
i meant as is
just give up
and admit you’re an asshole
you would be
in some good company
and i think you’d find
that your friends would forgive you
or maybe i
am just speaking for me
when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
‘cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
and when i look up
i just trip over things
i’ve got no illusions about you
guess what
i never did
when i say
when i say i’ll take it
i mean
i mean as is
two little girls
you were fresh off the boat
from virginia
i had a year of new york city
under my belt
we met in a dream
we were both nineteen
i remember where we were standing
i remember how it felt
two little girls
growing out of their training bras
this little girl breaks furniture
this little girl breaks laws
two girls together
just a little less alone
this little girl cried wee wee wee
all the way home
you were always half crazy
now look at you baby
you make about as much sense
as a nursery rhyme
love is a piano
dropped from a four story window
and you were in the wrong place
at the wrong time
and i don’t like your girlfriend
i blame her
i never seen one of your lovers
do you so much harm
i loved you first
and you know i would prefer
if she didn’t empty her syringes
into your arm
here comes little naked me
padding up to the bathroom door
to find little naked you
slumped on the bathroom floor
so i guess i’ll just stand here
with my back against the wall
while you distill your whole life
down to a 911 call
now you bring me your bruises
so i can ‘ooh and ahh’ at the display
maybe i’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes
that makes everything o.k.
or maybe i’m supposed to be the handsome prince
who rides up and unties your hands
or maybe i’m supposed to be the furrowed-brow friend
who thinks she understands
here comes little naked me
padding up to the bathroom door
to find little naked you
slumped on the bathroom floor
so i guess i’ll just stand here
with my back against the wall
while you distill your whole life
down to a 911 call
deep dish
cold and drizzly night in chicago’s deep dish
fluorescent light of the bathroom
shows my hands as they are
see an eyelash on my cheek
pick it off and make a wish
and walk back out into the bar
wind at the windows
neon lights the patterned pane
the waitress wields the weight
of her tray around her palm
the doorman cups his hands
and lights his cigarette again
and the rain marches on
this is only a possibility in a world of possibilities
there are obviously there are many possibilities
ranging from small to large
before long there will be short
before short there was nothing
when there was nothing
there was always the possibility
of something becoming what it is
don’t even bother trying
to say something clever
clever is as clever does
no matter what it says
i’m looking for a sign
says you’re for real this time
but i don’t trust what’s in your head
i walk up to the bar
and point to the top shelf
and then i throw my head back
and laugh at myself
i raise a toast to all our saviors
each so badly behaved
it’s too bad that their world
is the one that they saved
there’s a spider spinning cobwebs
from your elbow to the table
while my eyes ride the crowd
in a secret rodeo
i smile with my mouth
lift my watch up to the light
say oh, look, i have to go
now you got to dance with me, now is when
it’s gotta be
‘cuz i can’t wait for the dance floor to fill in
if you want to dance with me, i’ll show you
how it’s gonna be
‘cuz i can’t wait for the band to begin
loom
you always got those dark sunglasses
covering half your face
but if you promise to take them off
i promise i won’t squander your gaze
i will be picturesque
i will be nice
i won’t do anything
you can’t tell your wife
i will think before i act
i will think twice
just let me see your eyes
each time we’ve spoken
we’ve put in our token
and ridden the tilt-a-whirl
i was giggling and dizzy
flirting like a twelve year old girl
the carnival of you and me
is coming to town
watch how we spin and spin
and then fall down
now we just say hello
and head for firmer ground
you are the one-way glass
that watches me
standing in line at the bank
i always looked into your glasses
like a cat looks into a fish tank
but all i could ever see
was the specter of me reflected
i want a monument of the friendship
that we never had, erected
i want it to take up lots of room
i want it to loom
you always got those dark sunglasses
between us when we talk
but after the party is over
if you wanna take a walk
we could just look around
not do nothing wrong
just try to be at least as brave as our songs
i will bring my heart
i will bring my face
you name the time and place
pixie
i’m a pixie
i’m a paper doll
i’m a cartoon
i’m a chipper cheerful free for all
and i light up a room
i’m the color me happy girl
miss live and let live
and when they’re out for blood
i always give
the man behind the counter looks like he’s got
a half a dozen places he’d rather be
and furthermore it looks like he’s prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, i don’t really care what your problem is
just don’t make it mine
come on kids, let’s all hold hands
and pretend we’re having a good time
maybe you don’t like your job
maybe you didn’t get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there’s no escape
and there’s no excuse
so just suck up and be nice
all the privileged white kids on t.v.
playing at death
brandishing their cold cuts
with their ghostly makeup
and their heroin breath
and all the little fishes are flapping wildly
on their hooks
while all the top critics find great meaning
in the telephone book
the little emperor he has no clothes
so he can’t come out to play
and besides which life is suffering
and he likes it that way
and the little guy is not so friendly
but you know life has been cruel
so wipe that smile off your face baby
and try to be cool
maybe you don’t like your job
maybe you didn’t get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there’s no escape
and there’s no excuse
so just suck up and be nice
yeah, i would like to perfect the art
of being studiously aloof
like life is just a boring chore
and i am living proof
i could join forces with an army
of ornery hipsters
but then i guess i’d be out of a job
so i guess that’s out of the picture
‘cuz i’m a pixie
i’m a paper doll
i’m a cartoon
i’m a chipper cheerful free for all
and i light up a room
i’m the color me happy girl
miss live and let live
and when they’re out for blood
i always give
swan dive
i’m cradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hands
feels like a little baby bird
fallen from the nest
i think that your body is something i understand
i think that i’m happy
i think that i’m blessed
but i’ve had a lack of inhibition
i’ve had a loss of perspective
i’ve had a little bit to drink
and it’s making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there’s got to be more
than this boat i’m in
they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
i’m moving at the speed of sound
i’m just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown
i teeter between tired
and really, really tired
i’m wiped and i’m wired
but i guess that’s just as well
‘cuz i’ve built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
and now i’m queen of my own compost heap
and i’m getting used to the smell
i’ve had a lack of information
i’ve had a little revelation
i’m climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i’m going to do my best swan dive
into shark infested waters
i’m gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around
‘cuz i don’t care if they eat me alive
i’ve got better things to do than survive
i’ve got the memory of your warm skin in my hands
and i’ve got a vision of blue sky and dry land
i’m cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hands
the ship is pitching and heaving
our limbs are bobbing and weaving
i think this is something i understand
i just need a couple vaccinations
for my far-away vacation
i’m gonna go ahead and go boldly
‘cuz a little bird told me
that jumping is easy
that falling is fun
right up until you hit the sidewalk
shivering and stunned
they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
i’m moving at the speed of sound
i’m just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown
glass house
sitting in my glass house
while your ghost is sleeping down the hall
watching the little birds fly
kamikaze missions into the walls
think i’m gonna stay in today
sit on the couch and watch them fall
life just keeps getting harder
and it just keeps getting harder to hide
the darker it is around me
the easier it is to see inside
outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it’s half an inch
from here to the other side
i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i’m doing wrong
you’re gonna have to get in line
but for the purposes of this song
let’s just say i am doing fine
i guess i’m doing fine
trapped in my glass house
a crowd has been gathering outside since dawn
i make a pot of coffee
while catastrophe awaits me out on the lawn
think i’m going to stay in today
and pretend like i don’t know what’s going on
yeah, i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i’m doing wrong
you’re gonna have to get in line
but for the purposes of this song
let’s just say i am doing fine
i think i’m doing fine
independence day
we drove the car
to the top of the parking ramp
4th of july
sat out on the hood
with a couple of warm beers
and watched the fireworks
explode in the sky
there was an exodus of birds from the trees
‘cuz they didn’t know
we were only pretending
and the people all looked up and looked pleased
and the birds flew around
like the whole world was ending
i don’t think war is noble
and i don’t like to think love is like war
but i got a big hot cherry bomb
and i wanna slip it through the mail slot
of your front door
you can’t leave me here
i got your back now
you’d better have mine
‘cuz you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time
so many sheep i quit counting
sleepless and embarrassed
about the way that i feel
trying to make mole hills out of mountains
building base camp at the bottom
of a really big deal
did i ever tell you how i stopped eating
when you stopped calling me
i was cramped up
and shitting rivers for weeks
and pretending that i was finally free
you can’t leave me here
now that you’re back
you’d better stay this time
‘cuz you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time
we drove the car
to the top of the parking ramp
4th of july
i planted my dusty boots on the bumper
sat out on the hood
and looked up at the sky
pulse
you crawled into my bed that night
like some sort of giant insect
and i found myself spellbound
at the sight of you there
beautiful and grotesque
and all the rest of that bug stuff
bluffing your way into my mouth
behind my teeth
reaching for my scars
that night we got kicked out of two bars
and laughed our way home
that night you leaned over
and threw up into your hair
and i held you there thinking
i would offer you my pulse
if i thought it would be useful
i would give you my breath
except
the problem with death
is we have some hundred years
and then they can build buildings
on our only bones
a hundred years
and then your grave is not your own
we lie in our beds
and our graves
unable to save ourselves
from the quaint tragedies we invent
and undo
from the stupid circumstances
we slalom through
and i realized that night
that the hall light
which seemed so bright when you turned it on
is nothing
compared to the dawn
which is nothing
compared to the light
which seeps from me while you’re sleeping
cocooned in my room
beautiful and grotesque, resting
that night we got kicked out of two bars
and laughed our way home
i thought:
i would offer you my pulse
i would give you my breath
i would offer you my pulse…